OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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