Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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