omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
