I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
honey bunches of taint.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
