i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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