Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
