Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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