smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
