I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
