I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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