i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
