My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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