Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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