I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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