Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
