Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He shit in the fireplace
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
