u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
