Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
