very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
