I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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