i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
