So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
