Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
