Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
