Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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