Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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