Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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