Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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