i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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