that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
