I accidentally burped into my bong.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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