I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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