Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
not ubering you a puppy
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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