I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
