My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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