It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
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So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
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Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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