Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
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