i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
