He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We have started to decorate penises.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
