i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Enjoy the penises
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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