You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
