I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
