in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
