suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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