dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize