the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
