You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
