i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Randomize
