we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
