I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
