i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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