at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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