I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
