we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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