the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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