hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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