hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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