Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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