I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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