Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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