Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
