Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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