I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
She told me I should be a condom model.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
