I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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