Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He better not be in your backpack
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
