I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
