I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Randomize
