i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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